Happy Thursday friends! I hope you’re having a good short week!
I wish we had 4 day weeks more often, they’re a fun little reset but at the same time I got off my routine and that wasn’t too fun. I had to go home for a doctors appointment so I chose Labor Day Weekend so I can spend some time back home and also not miss classes.
I went home Thursday morning and landed before my first class at 10:30 AM – bold of me, I know but it was worth it. And I landed Tuesday morning before my 10:30 class and rushed to campus after putting away my grocery delivery. I was beat but I’m so glad I did it because it gave me so much clarity in my life.
It also gave me a lot of anxiety though, not because of the rushing and change of routine but because I’ve been struggling with being back at school which I’ve shared a few times. Being back home made me so happy and I didn’t want to leave. But I also realized yesterday that I’m not done with Knoxville yet, there is so much more I can do here and so much value I can provide here, the network I’ve built and my community service, all which make me happy too.
Being so stressed out the last two days and emotional over the weekend made me dig deep and reevaluate my priorities and where I put my energy. Where I want to put it and what I can take a break from to continue creating a life I love and am proud of and be the best version of myself.
Have you ever heard that anxiety can be a good thing?
I’ve seen it a few times and of course anything to the extreme is not good and we need to find ways to manage and improve our mental health, but in short bursts, anxiety is our body’s way of saying hey time to look inward and do a gut check. That maybe there’s something wrong and we need to reassess. Are you ignoring signs, avoiding things because you’re afraid or pushing people away because you’re hurting? Anxiety helps us realize this, or at least it helps me.
Over the weekend I kept starting arguments to avoid having the hard conversations with myself that I had been trying to avoid for months. It finally all came to the surface and I was emotionally hungover for like 5 days. But yesterday I had an epiphany, and I really reevaluated everything. It was scary but I am a better person because of it.
Like I said above, I dug deep and looked at where I put my energy and where I want to be putting it in the future. I took the opportunity to scale back my obligations at school after realizing I got over involved last year and over the summer but I’ve evolved since then and my priorities shifted. It takes a lot of strength to do that and I am really proud of myself for making that tough call. Yeah I worried about disappointing people and making people upset with me but I can’t keep putting my energy into pleasing others at my detriment. I don’t consider myself a people pleaser but I have always had a need to feel wanted and like I belong so it was really scary.
When I tell you how just those few emails relieved so much stress and pressure I was feeling. My chest pain was unbearable, I wasn’t sleeping right, barely eating, my body hurt. That’s how I knew I made the right decision.
I feel SO much lighter now, it feels so good. I feel HAPPY. Not 100% myself but way better than I did the last 3 weeks.
Anxiety for me manifests in physical symptoms, others only have mental symptoms, so I challenge you to take a day or half day off to do nothing and listen.
Some other tips that have helped me and that I want to work on is to stop scrolling constantly and to be more in the moment. These are such obvious tips but in a time where social media dictates our whole lives, it’s really easy to get caught up in IG stories and feeds.
I’ve noticed I feel good when I haven’t been on IG in hours and when I haven’t been scrolling through stories every 10 minutes. When I do go online I can literally feel my chest tense up and the pressure building to make sure I see as much as I can before I close the app again. This is so unhealthy and it’s something I want to be more mindful of. I have gone and unfollowed hundreds of people I noticed I was skipping through or that didn’t interest me or that made me feel bad to minimize how much content I consume every day and it has been really helpful too. Next I want to be better about not checking my phone in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep, when I wake up and right before bed. But I notice the biggest difference lately is not logging on in between classes or reading for class or work. So yeah I’m more absent now a days but it’s for the best in the long run!
I also want to be better about walking and getting out in nature more. A few weeks ago I shared my morning routine and while I still am trying to workout at least 10-15 minutes a day, lately it’s been through long walks to and from class and a quick stretch before I shower and this has been amazing! I want to listen to more calming music while I do it though instead of podcasts right away to keep my cortisol (stress hormone) down.
And of course minimizing sugar, processed foods, chemicals and preservatives has made a huge impact not just on how I look but how I feel. I don’t want to be too preachy here but definitely do your research on this if you struggle with mental health and/or want to live a more holistic lifestyle. There’s some great podcast episodes on this on The Skinny Confidential and The Blonde Files, I linked them on my IG highlights for you and in a previous post.
I wanted to share these quick tips here but I don’t want to take away from the message of this post: that I am struggling right now with my mental health and that it’s ok. And that it’s ok to take a step back and reevaluate everything.
I hope that if you are struggling right now with mental health of any kind, you take a step back to listen to your body. Its telling you something, your gut will tell you what decisions you can make to help improve your life. And the quality of your life.
I felt compelled to share this yesterday after realizing I felt better, because I want to help you feel better too.
I have always been candid with my mental health here and in the past I have primarily shared my struggles with depression but in the last 3 years I have realized I also struggle with anxiety and I’m only now learning how to work through it and manage it so I wanted to share this life update and story so I be truly open and honest with you. I hope my vulnerability inspires you to look for help if you need it and that by me sharing my experiences, you know you’re not alone and you are allowed to feel the way you do.
If you need anything, know there are resources out there for you and I hope you find relief soon, I wish at this time I could extend my friendship and open my DMs but unfortunately I need to take a step back from them at this time.
I wish you all the best, sending my love to you all! Thanks for reading!
xo Kayla