I’ve shared my journey to law school and that I’m moving, and while those changes have shaped a big part of my 2018 and first third of 2019 there’s so much more that happened than just that.
The biggest thing I learned in 2017 was that overtime those who do not serve you or your life in any healthy capacity aren’t worthy of being present in it and it is okay to let them go, and while in 2017 I removed several people from my life who were no longer serving their purpose in mine, I did the same thing in 2018 and even now in 2019.
I also reintroduced 2 people into my life this year that I had distanced myself from, and mentally blocked out in 2017. Growth changes people, and in both relationships, both parties forgave and moved forward and I am so happy that we did. Because now I have my Big back in my life, and while my relationship with my first Little isn’t perfect, and we aren’t super close, we’re friends now and I’m ok with that.
But back to removing people from my life, I had to end a friendship with someone who I had been close with for over 3 years and it hurt to do so, but it hurt even more to have held on to it for as long as I did.
If maintaining a friendship or relationship with someone is hurting you: physically, mentally, emotionally, however, it is ok to speak up. And I encourage you to do so.
Because little did I know, that person thought very poorly of me and was pretending to be my friend all along, out of pity for me. And no one deserves being treated like that. They envied me, and all I had going for me, convincing themselves of such negativity of me, that it made being friends toxic for them. And on my end, I had muted myself from critiquing them when I felt they did something wrong or shady to save face, that I had effectively silenced myself when I was hurt by their actions or words. That is no way to live.
The breakup was hard, but I knew that my real friends had my back and after removing this person, my life was so much lighter and easier. I didn’t know how much I needed that.
I have even reconnected with old friends and created new ones since. Something I had been afraid to do so before because of fear of hurting this person’s feelings after their pleas of feeling left behind after I graduated and moved back home.
It is crazy what we convince ourselves it is ok to believe in order to save relationships we have no business being in. And although this was a friendship breakup, this goes for a relationship breakup as well.
Another thing I learned in 2018 is to not jump into a relationship with someone until you have dealt with the feelings left behind from another one.
Last year, I shared that I had ended a long, dramatic relationship with someone but I never talked about dealing with the feelings left by him. I tried to date two different guys a few months later and they went up in smoke (one more than the other, but that’s a story for another day).
You can be over someone but not over the emotions and feelings they created in you, and until you have worked through and processed them, it is extremely difficult to be confident in and love yourself. And until you do that, moving into a new relationship is not going to be easy, or worth it.
And the last thing I have learned in 2018 and early 2019, is that if you want to keep someone in your life, no matter the distance between you two, if they are meant to stay they will. You just have to put in the effort.
And that can mean anything, from daily snapchats making funny faces, to hearing them ramble about their day. And most importantly, being there for them during their big life changes – all my friends are moving and/or graduating or have moved so we all have a lot going on – even when you’re life is changing just as much. Emotional support and genuine happiness for them, and make sure they’re just as supportive and happy for you, goes a long way, and really helps keep the people who are truly meant to be in your life in it.
I hope that you’ve learned a lot from your own personal life experiences. Good or bad, they’re either an experience or a lesson, and that’s a good thing.
My biggest goals for 2019 are to work on all aspects of myself: fitness, health, and happiness, and to get good grades my first semester of law school.
I finished undergrad strong and I want to start strong in law school because these are the grades that matter the most. It’s gonna be intense but I’m up for the challenge and with the support system I’ve got, I know I can do it.
But for now, I’m focused on applying for scholarships, finishing up working at the law firm I’m currently a legal assistant at, enjoying my last few months in Miami, and traveling the world. And yes, I can’t wait to share all the exciting this I’ll be doing this summer!
Thanks for reading!
xo Kayla